Faith in the Midst of the Unknown

I am stirred to write about faith, the importance of what it means to me now, and how it brought me to the place I am going currently.

I wanted to come out with a blog post weekly, but to be completely honest, I have been quite a bit overwhelmed. Between moving to Redding in a few days, and seeing that my life is about to completely change, how does one find the right words? But in the midst of a cloud of thoughts, I really believe that the Lord has asked me to continue writing this blog, so I know that He will give me the strength to write whatever is on His heart.

I’ve known that I need to do BSSM for seven years. It’s not even something worth questioning anymore. I’ve been mistaken for a BSSM student too many times to count. I have “randomly” met Bethel people that I probably should have never met. And I have experienced some of the craziest coincidences having to do with this next season of life. But it’s terrifying. I try to hold up this mask and say that I have it all figured out, but in all honesty, regardless of how strong I know He is telling me this, there’s always circumstances that come in and test my faith. And this is the way that it’s always been.

Recently I was reading through an old journal, and I was thrown into a memory that helped me see something so clearly. Three years ago or so, I was in a really difficult spot emotionally. I was filled with disappointment because I didn’t understand the direction that my life was going, and I had a hard time connecting with the people that were around me.

Even back then, I knew that I was supposed to go to BSSM, but I was fighting it with everything. I kept looking at my circumstances and saying to myself, “I can’t do this! I’m not ready!”

So I told God, “I won’t go to BSSM until you change THESE circumstances,” in frustration. Then, I got super specific with Him and wrote out a list of probably 10-15 things.

Here are some examples:

-I don’t have a reliable enough car

-I don’t have enough money

-I don’t know how to be an adult and take care of myself

-I didn’t want to leave my friends

Etcetera.

Have you ever done something like this before? Put extra focus on all the reasons why you can’t do something?

Fast forward to now, when this is actually the right timing for me to go this year: God didn’t fully change my circumstances in the way that I thought that He should! Instead, He changed the way I perceive the circumstance.

He taught me a number of important things: faith is extremely risky. It’s not just a fancy word for going to church and reading the Bible. Faith is about taking a step of risk in the midst of a vibrant relationship with God- knowing that He is the one who takes care of us, and though we may not be able to plan every step, when we do take that step forward, He is faithful to meet us in the midst of it! And, the Bible says that without faith, it’s impossible to please God (Hebrews 11:6)! So, sometimes doing that crazy thing as a step of faith is ACTUALLY the only way we can please Him! (And please don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying to forget wisdom and do something foolish that isn’t what God is saying. But sometimes in the name of our perceived wisdom, I think a lot of us, myself included, brush off a lot of good things that God is actually asking us to do!)

In the midst of taking that step forward, I’ve started to realize the next layer that I didn’t seem to understand before. You can’t have faith WITHOUT hope. That’s right. You can be in the middle of a full on leap of faith, and then crumble under the pressure and the weight of that decision if you don’t have HOPE.

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1 (KJV)

Hope. It’s such a funny word in the English language. “I hope that they serve pizza at lunch” is not exactly the kind of sentence where the word HOPE is used in its fullest of capacity.

Here’s where the honesty comes in: without meaning to, I’ve slowly allowed different situations to steal my hope from me. Little details of this move that I don’t understand have gotten to my head, and made me loose some of the shimmering hope and excitement that I had. And because of the close connection between hope and faith, that has actually caused me to take less steps of faith! And it’s clouded my judgement of what I should do in preparation of this next season. But I’m reminded of the verse that says:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not DEPEND on YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” Proverbs 3:5-6

I don’t have to understand in order to know that He is leading me. I don’t have to see it in order to know that God will fulfill the promises that He’s made over my life. And I can trust Him with every detail.

I’m still learning the fullness of what hope is, but I do understand one thing: hope keeps the faith alive. If I lose hope that the Lord is going to provide for me, that He has a plan for me, and that His promises over my life are good and true, then what am I stepping out in faith for?

Hope is not just wishful thinking. It’s an outlook of the future with a realistic perspective; an attitude of the heart that is in line with the truth of God’s nature and character! And that outlook is completely necessary in the midst of taking the action of faith. It is a vehicle, a mode of transportation for faith to work.

1 Corinthians 13:13 “Three things will last forever- faith, hope, and love- and the greatest of these is love.” (NLT)